


Lies

by Ryu_Hye_Yeon



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Dark, Gen, Overthinking, Panic Attacks, im sorry yesung, suju - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 11:26:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18119870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_Hye_Yeon/pseuds/Ryu_Hye_Yeon
Summary: Yesung loved his fans. They were his everything. But after a certain incident happened, he couldn't bring himself to trust them anymore. [Mentions of panic attacks, anxiety]





	Lies

Yesung took a long, deep breath before he got off the car. He was a little shaky but he tried to push his thoughts to the back of his mind.

_Just for a little while. It’ll be okay once I get past them._

He had been used to coming to the airport after years of flying to other countries, but lately the way too frequent visits due to their world tour were slowly getting to him. His limit was nearing. He was going to break soon.

His manager stood as close as he could beside him as they walked in the airport entrance. Immediately, he could hear fans’ loud squeals and yells. A panic attack bubbled up his chest, threatening to surface. He pulled up his mask to cover his face more and tried to turn up the volume of the music he was blasting through his headphones, wishing he could completely hide from the world.

Yesung couldn’t have heard anything. He shouldn’t have, but after years of hearing them, his mind was automatically supplying him the words he hated the most.

 

**_"Oppa, I love you!!"_ **

_Do you really?_

 

**_"You're my everything."_ **

_Am I really?_

 

**_"I'll never leave you!"_ **

_...That's a lie._

 

Yesung quickened his pace. He was having a hard time breathing, it seemed like the world was caving in on him. The loud noise all around him was very triggering. He wanted to believe in their words, but he can't help but think they were all lies and nothing more.

For the first few years of his career, he really did believe in them.

He struggled with his self-esteem a lot then. On good days, he was okay but on most days, he felt worthless. While he was unable to love himself, fans loved him in his stead. It seemed so easy to trust them and their sweet words. They boosted his near to zero self-esteem and made him feel good about himself.  

He thought it was okay to continue being reliant on their love and that he was doing amazing for them.

Yesung loved them. They were his everything.

But when the whole Sungmin fiasco happened, Yesung was traumatized. He saw with his very own eyes how the people who had been supporting you, announcing their love for you and would do everything just for you, turn against you so easily.

It was unexpected. No one could predict that. No one knew their fans would do this.

He watched how devastated his brother became, how what he thought was a perfect relationship just collapsed into nothing.

Something inside Yesung just broke. Loneliness consumed him entirely and he felt like he was back to square one, when he had no one there for him.  

Ever since then, Yesung could never trust fans anymore. Whenever he tried, he would feel extremely sick in his stomach.

The sweet promises they utter were hard to listen to. The smiles, the gifts were so hard to accept without being reminded of their hidden motives. His source of motivation and encouragement was gone and never the same anymore.

No one could prove their love was genuine. They are all spouting lies.

Yesung decided he would never believe in them anymore. It was the best wasn’t it?

After all, who knew when they’d turn their backs on him? The day he let one mistake slip, he would be done for.

_“Oppa!!”_

Another loud yell pulled him back out of his own thoughts. His eyes darted around, finding himself still being crowded by his fans. His heart was beating so fast, he could feel his entire body shake. He was so close to running away and giving up on all these. But he mustn’t. He had to keep his façade up and prevent his group from falling apart any more than it already had.

_14 years, Kim Jongwoon._

_You can keep this up._

He turned towards his fans, and put on a small, shaky smile.

_I can do this._

**Author's Note:**

> So I don't know what hit me but when I saw some of his airport pics, the thought hit me -- is he truly happy to see fans at the airport sometimes? Were there times when he actually hated it? 
> 
> I know Yesung really appreciates his fans coming to the airport tho so this fanfic is really a big 'what if' only. Maybe other members would feel this way instead, we would never know. I just felt like all of them must have been affected by what happened to Minnie. It wasn't a small thing after all. 
> 
> Anyway,, thanks for reading? Please tell me what you think of this!! <3


End file.
